Slight changes... and some random thoughts

Hi! Just a quick note about the changes to the look of La Blog. I changed the header... and the background. Which is fairly obvious. I just thought I'd make note of it. Nothing else will change, and that includes the erratic posting schedule. Haha:)

The picture is in colored pencil and is by me. It was a self portrait but it ended up... not. That is not what I look like. At all, really. I don't know what happened.

I like the finished project, though! She looks so pensive... and seems as though she should be in cool colors. And yet that wouldn't be as effective, somehow. I think the red makes you feel like she has some sort of internal turmoil, despite her stony gaze. (I just analyzed that as I wrote it. I've been trying to lay my finger on it since I drew it. Anyways.)

I like color theory and how it relates to emotion. We learned a little about it in class, and I'd like to learn more...

Ok this is not where I planned on going, this was just meant to be a quick thing. I'm sick and bored, though, so...

Ok I'm going to stop. Bye!

Watercolor Tree-Class project

Hello! I decided to share a step by step of a tree painting I did over a month or so, in watercolor class. It is in Ravello, Italy. I'm not sure how many hours it took-maybe 6ish? I really don't remember! Anyways, here goes!

I did a wash first, which I didn't take a picture of:/ Then I started on this first layer. I started with the background, then the did the tree. I have the values mapped here, but they are not dark enough. I do have lots of colors.

My teacher helped me darken my values, particularly in the tree. I tend to be a bit scared of color and value- not punching either enough. I'm getting better though:) She also helped me a lot with the sky.

Here it is almost done. I worked on the buildings on my own first, but again, they are not dark enough, or detailed enough. Everything else is pretty much done though.

And its done! I finished the buildings in class. I also darkened the water, and added detail to the grass and the mountain. I am REALLY happy with this painting, its one of the works I am most proud of. I really really REALLY want to go to Ravello, Italy and see this location in person... someday:)

***VERY ROUGH DRAFT*** Lidi's Parents

 NOTE: this is a VERY rough draft, and I realize its rather poorly written. It's really just so I can see what some others think of this idea. Just so you know! ALSO the picture is not mine, note the watermark on the top. If you own it and would rather I didn't use it, please let me know.

"My mother was from the north... she was a performer in a circus, a lot like this one- its how she and my father met. I can't always remember her face, but I know she was beautiful. She had hair like mine, but her eyes were the color of the sea, and her skin was white and perfect. My father talked about her, sometimes, in some of his moods. I managed to piece together their story. When they met, my father was still a good magician- one of the best. He was feckless and wild, and I think he must have been handsome then, in his own way. Audiences loved him. He knew how to make them love him- and he loved them. My mother was an acrobat and dancer, and she soon became my fathers assistant. The audience loved her, too. And my father loved her very much, I know he did. Even despite all she did later, when he talked about her, I could tell he loved her still. I don't think she ever really, truly loved him- maybe she did. But I think she just wanted what she thought he could give her. Fame, and excitement. But all he really had was himself. He couldn't succeed as an act on his own, he had to be with a circus to make it work. He didn't have a good head for business. They married, and were happy at first. my father settled down, and began to save a little money, but when I came along, the circus wouldn't keep my mother, and so father decided to try to set up on his own. Jericho helped him, he left the circus to come along. My father tried hard, I know he did- but it was for nothing. He managed to get enough good equipment- all I have now was his." "What happened?" Julian looked perplexed. "he didn't have what it took to manage. Maybe he could have on his own... But had us to care for, and my mother didn't help- she was bitter when she realized the life she had hoped for could never be, and I think- Well, I don't think her mind was right. I could be wrong. And then..." Lidi  broke off. " Julian looked at her, his green eyes gentle. "Then?" He prodded gently. "I had a little sister." Lidi said softly. "She was beautiful and perfect, and everything I wasn't." Julian frowned, and was about to speak, but Lidi went on. "By the time she was 5 years old she could sing like a lark, and dance- and tell stories. She was so little, but when she told a story you believed it. Simple as that. She brought to life every character. My mother loved her best, and I don't blame her. Everyone loved her... I loved her." Lidi paused for a long moment. "And then one day they left. And my father was- broken. I don't think he ever thought she would go. I had already started to learn most of the tricks, and my father kept on teaching me, even after... " She stopped again, a flicker of old pain in her eyes. Julian's face had darkened. She looked up at him. "He did love me, Julian. Don't think too harshly of him. In spite of everything, I know he really did. And he needed me."

The Rope Trick fanfic #4- Julian's Choice

The Rope Trick fanfic #4

Julian's Choice

by Nina D.
(note: sections in italic are quoted from the original book, the Rope Trick, by Lloyd Alexander)

Lidi glanced back at Julian and the others, high-spirited now, laughing, gossiping about people she never heard of. They were His old friends, grown up together. A part of his life she could never share...
Julian noticed, vaguely, Jericho quietly leading Lidi away from the circle of light thrown by the fire. Matteo and the others talked and laughed, but for a brief second, their voices grew dim as she paused, and Julian met Lidi's eyes. He wasn't sure of her expression. Like he ever was sure. He thought he read a mixture of reluctance, regret...and something more. She turned and walked around the wagon and the spell was broken. He turned back to his friends. "...the more of us that work together, the sooner freedom will come!" Matteo was saying. "Julian- you'll come with us, I know." "What?" Julian stared at Matteo. "You don't realize how your fame has spread. Like we said- you're a hero to every cafone in Campania. I doubt there is a man among them who wouldn't join us- if you were along." This from Beppo, his dark eyes suddenly serious. "They'll write songs about you next. I've actually already begun the beginnings of a little opera...loosely based on the actual events. You're the hero of course...but I'm going to need an ending." Nicolo softly put in, his curly black hair glistening in the firelight, and his eyes, deep and purple brown as a deers, and strangely distant in that way of his- as though he were seeing something very different in his head from what was actually in front of him. "I- I don't know what to say. I told you before, I'm not a hero-you all were there, every one of you, and-" "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't." Matteo cut him off. "What you are is the cafone who dared to take on the Baboon." "I failed!" Julian was beginning to feel a bit trapped. "All I really did, was get Renzo shot, make life more miserable for the rest of you- and then run away." Matteo looked at him intently. "We haven't failed, Julian- we just haven't finished." The fierceness in his eyes was strange and frightening. No longer was he simply Julian's boyish friend-he was a man, eager and ready to fight and die for this cause-"and I'm responsible." Julian murmured. "What?' Julian stared into the fire as though he hadn't heard Matteo's question. The others sat quietly. "Julian-" Luca broke the silence. Julian looked up. Lucas face startled him. Passionate, hopeful, trusting- and so young. And so very, very afraid. Julian felt sick inside. Here they were, all of them, ready to die for this fight he had begun. "Julian..." Luca said again. Julian forced himself to look back at him. "We need you." Julian looked around the circle. Matteo, Beppo, little Sandro, Nicolo, Franco, Luca- their faces all mirrored Luca's request.  "Alright" he heard his own voice come out, sounding strange to himself. Matteo's stern face lit up in a tigerish smile. He laid one strong, tense hand on Julian's shoulder. "Thank you." The others began talking again, trying to get back to the lighthearted banter of only moments before. But not even Franco could dispel the serious cloud that lay over them now. Julian stood suddenly. Lidi. His head spun for a moment. How could he tell her- he had to leave? He heard himself offer Matteo the stolen carabinieri's guns and horse. Matteo eagerly accepted them, with a hunger in his voice that boded no good for those the weapons would be used against. Julian walked slowly around the wagon. Jericho and Lidi were there, sitting quietly. Daniella must have gone to bed.
"They're leaving now. The carabinieri's musket's- Matteo would be glad to have them" "You stole them. Do as you please." Jericho (reluctantly, Julian thought), left them, to get the weapons. "The horse? He asked Lidi."Stolen, too." She said. "It's yours to give." He saw the dread in her eyes then, as though she already knew. "What else do they want?" He stood for a moment, not knowing what to say. He stepped closer to her. "Me." he managed. " I'm going with them."
* * *

Never would Julian be able to escape that night. The pain in Lidi's eyes hurt him worse than any pain he'd ever felt himself. 

"You said you never wanted to leave me...you're a liar!" "I never wanted to leave you, Lidi." 

Never. And Jericho's anger... how could Julian explain to him how much he longed to stay? How dear they all were to him? How Jericho, in so many ways, had filled the spot, twice emptied, first by his father, and then his uncle? At some point, Daniella had appeared. Through it all, he saw her haunting little face and her sea green eyes, fathomless and somehow luminescent, as she mouthed to him..." I knew." He knew she had. They traveled part of the night before they stopped. No one talked much, with the exception of a heated, (albeit whispered) argument between Franco and Luca. This lasted about 15 minutes before Nicolo shut them up. They stopped at last to rest. The others threw themselves down wherever, and were promptly asleep, with the exception of Luca. Apparently it was his turn to tend the horses. When he got back, he carefully lay down, squirmed about for a moment, rolled up in a ball like a puppy, and began to snore softly. Only Julian lay awake. He wondered if she was too. He rolled over restlessly. A rock jabbed into his back, and he though longingly of his bedroll in Jericho's tent wagon. As he drifted to sleep, thoughts of Lidi swirled in his mind. all the way back, to the very first day, as she came around the wagon, disgust written on her face, which was then swept away by the surprise of seeing him there. Her haughty inspection- but when their eyes met, he saw for a moment, the lonely, pain-filled girl deep inside... He remembered the sympathy and belief in her eyes when he had told his story...the gentle warmth of her touch to the wounds on his back... her slender hands making the silver coin dance and disappear... Her exasperation with his constant bumbling, as they practiced the act...  Her smile, rare enough at times, but lighting up her face and his world when it broke forth... And then, that night in Pompodoro's tent, their first performance... the condemned prisoner! His eyes popped open again. Just as he had almost been asleep...he sighed. He realized now, in just how many ways he truly needed her. Her quiet strength, and stubborn pride, the light of her smile, the sun on her hair. The long summer days as they had traveled- The sun never seemed to set, until Lidi, Daniella in tow, would disappear into the sacred precincts of her property wagon. Julian wondered what   look like in there. All of her effects were stored inside, and every time she brought out a new one, he'd become more convinced-it must be a strange and marvelous place. Despite her assurance that they were all just tricks, there were still a few that Julian couldn't help believing. To him, Lidi herself seemed magical enough to make him believe any of her beautiful illusions were really the wonders they seemed.
* * *
He didn't remember falling asleep, but next thing he knew, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Matteo was standing looking down at him sternly. "Wake up." He ordered. "I am..." Julian groaned, as he groggily got to his feet. He stretched, and as he began his short preparations for the day, took the opportunity to observe, the better by daylight, his old friends. In the months that had passed, they had all grown and changed. He assumed he had too. Matteo, as he stalked back toward the cook fire, was as lean and powerful as any wildcat, his thick, straight black hair shaggy over his fiery black eyes. Yet his inner hotshot was still evident despite his best attempts at concealment. Next, Beppo- slender, but sturdy, with his calm, scholarly, and admittedly arrogant face, and his bespectacled nose buried in a before-breakfast book. And his little brother, Sandro- 5 years younger than Beppo, and the youngest of the band by at least 2 years. His nut brown hair was cluttered with leaves, and he was stretched full length on the ground, looking at something in the grass, most likely a caterpillar. Nicolo- oldest of 3 brothers. He was lithe and lightly framed, with a breezy grace to his stride. His thick black curls somewhat unruly over his pale, slender, artistic face. His purple brown eyes held a faraway look as he gazed at the horizon, his lips moving soundlessly. Probably quoting- or possibly composing- some poetry. Franco, his next brother, was his complete opposite- giant in stature and roughly good natured- but not good looking. He was currently engaged in his favorite pastime- tormenting their youngest brother, Luca. In basics, Luca looked much the same as Nicolo, with the same dreamy dark eyes, and pale handsome face. But Luca was not just slender- he was very small, almost to the point of frailty. The slight flush in his cheeks and catch in his breath didn't speak well of his health. Despite this, he managed to keep up with the others in almost everything- though he tired quicker, and more easily. He made up for these physical limitations with his charming manners, and uncannily winning ways with ladies of all ages. His impeccable sense of style helped too. Julian made these summary observations while he splashed his face and finger combed his own thick dark waves. He then went to help Luca, who was trying in vain to rescue his coat from his brother. "Franco, give him that. Really!" Julian looked up at Franco and realized uncomfortably, that he was no longer the intimidating one. Franco smiled at him. "Well, Julian's back." He chirped in his funny nasal voice, pitching Luca the coat. "and as bossy, bossy as ever." He added sweetly over his shoulder, as Matteo made an important announcement- breakfast.
* * *
For Julian, the morning seemed to trickle by endlessly. He felt strangely like a thermometer- one moment he could hardly breathe with the pain of missing Lidi, the next he was soaring with the thought of finally meting justice to the padrone. One thing that seemed pretty steady was a deep desire to knock someone over- but his erratic moods had, by lunchtime, achieved the opposite. Franco finally, after being snapped at one too many times, sent Julian sprawling with what appeared to require about as much effort as opening a door. "Now then. I'm bigger now, Julian, haha, so STOP BOSSING ME AROUND." Franco said, smiling blandly all the while. Julian stalked away, inwardly fuming for the days when he was the taller, stronger, and, logically, more respected. At last, the sun reached its zenith, and Matteo began giving orders. Julian had no idea of what to do, but the others seemed fairly familiar with the routine. Luca and Sandro were sent to catch and tack the horses, while Beppo and Nicolo handed out their small arsenal of weaponry. Julian hovered uncertainly, wanting to help, to do anything to occupy his mind, but not sure what that anything should be. Finally Matteo noticed him, and called him over. "What do we do?" Julian asked. "We'll stake out one of the smuggling trails and see what happens from there. Follow our lead... and try not to hurt anyone. We don't want to scare them or take too much- take weapons first, we need guns the most." "Matteo- how is stealing guns going to help? They need guns as much as we do, if you really want them to join us!" Julian didn't follow this logic. "When the time comes, we'll give them back. Trust me, Julian- I've thought this through." Matteo turned away, dismissing Julian as he headed to where Luca stood holding his horse. "Who gets the other horse?" Beppo called. "Oh, that's right, we have two now." Matteo thought for a moment, staring down from the saddle. Julian was about to claim it, when "Beppo, I suppose you can have it." Beppo swung easily onto its back, and signified that he was prepared to start. "Alright, ragazzi, lets go." Matteo trotted off without a backwards look. the others followed, talking quietly amongst themselves. Nicolo was musing aloud, "Look at how much purple is in the sky today, lads. If I had my paints-" "You'd paint it purple!" Franco finished. Nicolo blinked at him. "Of course." He said vaguely. Franco laughed, and Nicolo sighed with an air of a superior being, resigning itself to the folly of a mortal. Just in front of Julian, Sandro was meandering along, staring up at the clouds, and before Julian could warn him, he crashed into a tree. "Are you-" Julian began, but Sandro, although somewhat startled, had already continued walking. "Maybe you should watch where you are going." Franco suggested, but with no response from Sandro. "Quiet down, we're getting close." Matteo called back in a harsh whisper. They walked on in silence, broken only by a harsh cough from Luca. Julian noticed how exhausted and drawn his already pale face looked. Nicolo dropped back back his side, and whispered something that made Luca shake his head defiantly. Reluctantly, Nicolo turned away, but Julian saw him glance back with concern. Luca trudged on doggedly, however, and before long, Matteo raised a hand to halt them. They gathered around him. "the trail is just over that rise. We'll leave the horses here," he added, as he dismounted. "who'll stay with the horses?" He asked, as Beppo led his over. Luca and Sandro both frowned. "Someone other than us." Luca said, looking at Sandro. They apparently had some sort of understanding, for Sandro seemed ready to back him up. Matteo began to say something angry, but Beppo cut in. "I can stay." He said hopefully, pulling a book from his pocket. "No, Beppo I want you with us... Nicolo, you can stay, I suppose." Matteo said, with an annoyed look at the stubborn faces of the two younger boys. Beppo sighed sadly as he put his book back. Julian glanced at the sky. He thought they'd been walking about an hour- it must now be about 1:00. He realized uneasily that they must be very nearly in Malvento. Sandro and Luca had looks of excitement on their faces, and Julian wondered if this was the first time they had ever been allowed to help.  As they headed stealthily towards the trail, Julian felt a strange sense of uneasiness. This was not what he had planned when he started this fight- he wanted to get at the Baboon, not to take from the already poor peasants. he knew Matteo meant well- but he worried that perhaps the heroic side of being Condottieri had made him forget how easy it woud be to slip into a path they didn't want to take. 

 "Not robbers. We're condottieri..." "If I understand it right," put in Jericho,"the old condottieri ended up serving themselves pretty well... they took everything." "We won't do that. Not us." 

  Julian knew Matteo meant that- now. But what about later? He could say he was fighting for a cause; but really, wasn't it much easier to just take what you wanted? Eventually you could get so used to it you could forget what you were fighting for. Julian thought of his own score with the Baboon. he could say he just wanted justice- and he did. But that wasn't all. Not by a long shot. He wanted revenge, didn't he? And he wanted to prove to himself- what? He tried to call up the feelings that had goaded him all those months ago, but he found they had faded. New ones had taken their place... he was jolted back to reality by the sound of a little wagon jouncing along the trail, pulled by a unhappy looking mule. A man and his wife, past middle age, sat on the wagon seat. Julian assumed they would let them pass- but a moment later, Matteo had leaped into the road, while Sandro grabbed the mules bridle. "What?" Julian couldn't believe this. He glanced at Beppo. He wore a troubled expression, and Julian suspected he had the same view on the proceedings as Julian. Nevertheless, he went forward with the others. "All we have is Cabbages and Tomatoes, I swear to you." The old man said. "If we had anything as could help you boys, I'd give it. You think I don't know who you are?" Matteo looked at him distrustfully. "What?" "You're those lads from Malvento. The ones who followed that fool into rousing up your padrone." The old man shook his head. "I admire your courage lads, but I'm afraid you'll only make things worse." Matteo's face darkened. "I'd help you if I could, don't misunderstand me. But as it is, I haven't got anything you can use. and one more thing- if you want the cafoni to help you when the time comes..." He looked calmly at Matteo. "...you may want to rethink your profession. Now let us by, lad. " Matteo hesitated, but he was obviously shaken by the old mans words. Finally he nodded at Sandro to loose the bridle. The old couple headed away. Matteo watched them go, not moving until they had disappeared. "That fool... it's about time, I must say" Franco looked smugly at Julian. "Oh, shut up, Franco." Julian looked over at Matteo. Wordlessly, Matteo headed back into the trees. "What now?" Sandro asked. "We wait some more." Matteo said. "Didn't you hear what that man said? Robbing the people is hardly going to endear them to you!" Julian stepped in front of Matteo. "Julian, please." Matteo tried to move around him, but Julian was firm. "Matteo. Robbing old people is not what we set out to do." "It's not robbing, Julian! We have to be ready to fight for them when they need us- how can we do that without supplies? And who better to supply them than the people we're fighting for?" "I can imagine-" Beppo looked at him, grave and thoughtful, "-The old condottieri saying the same thing." Matteo fell silent. The others stood watchfully, waiting to see what would happen. "Let's just head back to camp." He finally said.

***

The sun was slowly beginning to set as they arrived back at the cave. Beppo and Sandro began to stir up the fire, and Franco began to rummage up some preparation for supper. Nicolo had disappeared, glad of a rare opportunity to draw uninterruptedly. Luca was perched on his blanket, sewing a button onto his precious coat. Julian sat looking moodily into the flames. Matteo came to sit beside him. A few moments later, Beppo joined them. Franco was busily cooking some sausages and onions, and pretending not to listen to what they were saying. "Julian," Matteo began, "I understand what you mean. About the robbing. But you have to understand me. You've been gone for months, and things on the estate are worse than you remember." "I remember very well, Matteo." Matteo looked away. "You've changed, Julian." He went on. "it almost seems... well, have you forgotten what happened? You say you still have a score to settle, and yet you hardly even seem to care anymore." Julian listened to his friend, and realized exactly what had escaped him that afternoon. His friends words pained him, and yet seemed to heal him too. "I can never forget, Matteo. Ever. The Baboon killed my uncle, broke my aunts heart, and humiliated me." Julian felt  the pain of these words, no less than he ever had. But now..." But now it doesn't matter as much. What happened can't be changed. Killing the padrone won't bring Renzo back. all it will change is me." He thought suddenly of facing Lidi, and Jericho, after actually having killed someone. Despite all the times he had said the words, or thought them, he had never been clearheaded enough to realize all they meant. "The things that really matter, Matteo- honor, and, and... love." He stopped. Matteo was looking at him with something like amazement on his face. "Those are things that make you look beyond yourself and make you do for others, instead." Beppo smiled, with that oddly ancient smile of his. "Which means what?" He prodded gently. Julian looked up. "It means I have to leave." "What? Julian-" Matteo was about to protest. "Well, Julian, I wouldn't have thought it of you." Franco said as he rose to his feet. "Wouldn't have thought what?" Julian asked defensively. Franco shook his head knowingly. "Franco, what do you mean?" Beppo demanded. "She did have lovely hair, I grant you." Franco went on. Julian flushed angrily. "What are you saying?" "If a curly haired damsel is more important to you than us, your old friends, well then... hey!" Julian had grabbed Franco's arm. "Franco, that's enough." Matteo said sternly. "You don't know what you're talking about." Julian spat out. "I think I do." Franco taunted. "You and your fine talk about honor and love... why don't you just admit you want to go back to your magician girl and get it over with?" "Fine." Julian's voice was low. He turned back to Matteo. "He's right, but not in the way he thinks. I do love her. And that means I need to do what's best for her. She needs me, as much as I need her. All the hate in the world, for the Baboon or anyone else, isn't strong enough to matter more than that." Matteo looked blankly at him. "If I truly love her, I put her first." Julian said. "I'm sorry Matteo. I have to leave. I was never a hero anyways- you fit that role better. You don't need me. If there is ever anything in my power to help you, I'll do it. But now..." He trailed off. Matteo looked at him with frustration, but Beppo's eyes, behind their gold-rimmed glasses, held a sort of pride. Franco stood wordlessly. "So... I guess this is goodbye." Julian concluded awkwardly. Matteo looked at him for a moment, as though truly seeing him for the first time. "Goodbye, my friend." He grasped Julian's hand in his own strong grip. Beppo said nothing, but his smile spoke just as loudly. Julian turned to Franco, who looked down shamefacedly. After a moment he looked into Julian's face and nodded. Julian nodded back, and went to gather up his things. Nicolo arrived back at that moment. Apparently it was too dark now to draw. "Julian's leaving." Luca informed him softly. Nicolo accepted the news with no surprise. Sandro too came back in time to bid him farewell. Julian looked back once at them as he walked away. Matteo raised a hand in farewell. Julian felt a catch in his throat as he returned the motion. He didn't look back again.
* * *

Restless, Lidi left the wagon and paced deeper into the fringe of trees. She shivered, not from the cold. He was there. He knew it even before she heard his voice. She did not turn to look at him... "Why did you come back? You have other things to do." "Only one. To be here"..."How do I know you'll stay? This time?" "I set out to kill a man. Now it doesn't matter. He's not important. I found out something." "Which is?" "Very simple. I found out I loved you more than I hated him."
"You gave the right answer."

The End

based on The Rope Trick by Lloyd Alexander

photo NOT mine, found via Pinterest